The waiting place.....

Today is the midweek visit day - so the other parent gets to see the kids.  In the break up fall out, my organisation skills came under fire - so as a result I am doing my best to take the back step, and let the other party let me know about their visits, and initiate contact to do so.  Today it was another one of those nights spent in the waiting place.  The kids were blissfully unaware as I moved them through games and activities, dinner and bath time - before I finally folded and sent a text to find out if there was going to be  a visit.  Thankfully a phone call just prior to getting them out of the bath came through, saying they had been 'stuck' and could we try the visit tomorrow.  As the oldest got out of the bath he realised the day, and suddenly asked why Dad had not come to see them. I headed off the tears as quick as I could, at least I could truthfully say he had just called, and re-arranged for tomorrow.  The boys shrugged it off after the initial tears in the eyes, and then didn't want to call him (nightly calls), I told them how keen Dad was to hear their voices, so the call was made.  I don't know what situation would ever make you so 'stuck' that you forget to see the boys on your allocated night - or even call at an earlier time and actually explain to them (not me) that something has come up and you can't wait to see them the next day instead. I don't even know what sort of explanation 'stuck' is? So many better ways it could have been handled, that would leave them feeling less like they have been forgotten.  Meanwhile I can tell by my gut when it is 7pm on my non kids week - from 6:45pm onwards I have trouble doing anything - just waiting for the phone to ring to hear their voices.  I still feel tension on these mid week visits, the not knowing what or when they are going to occur, if they are taking place at my place or the kids being picked up (rare) or if they are having dinner out (1 so far) or not.  It is like the hap-hazard part of my life will never truly be over.  I always hated the waiting place, to steal the words of Dr Seuss:

The Waiting Place...
...for people just waiting.
Waiting for a train to go
or a bus to come, or a plane to go
or the mail to come, or the rain to go
or the phone to ring, or the snow to snow
or waiting around for a Yes or No
or waiting for their hair to grow.
Everyone is just waiting

 Waiting for the fish to bite

 or waiting for the wind to fly a kite

 or waiting around for Friday night

 or waiting, perhaps, for their Uncle Jake

 or a pot to boil, or a Better Break

or a string of pearls, or a pair of pants

or a wig with curls, or Another Chance.

Everyone is just waiting.

NO!

that's not for you!

Somehow you'll escape

all that waiting and staying.

You'll find the bright places

where Boom Bands are playing.

So how do we escape the waiting place? and find the bright places?  On the surface I am confident the boys do not realise how I feel inside on those nights, but inner soul is tense, waiting, waiting, waiting, don't call him, don't call him, don't call him, he'll be here, he'll be here, he'll be here, he didn't forget, he didn't forget, he didn't forget....

How do I turn that off? Or in time will the effect be less?